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••• Saturday, January 10, 2004



Just When I Thought it was Safe
I thought I was recovering nicely from my recent episode of Knittinsuckinola. Even though I have not picked up a needle in days, I have been dutifully scouring pattern books (per sistah Amy's advice) for some stash busting projects. I've even been thinking about thinking about finishing the Uxbridge Berrocan Turtleneck this weekend. heh. Sometimes I really crack myself up.

So, I was cruising my favorite blogs, feeling muchly on the mend, when I came upon Bron's, place. There, I was unwittingly exposed to photos and descriptions of her expansive stash. As I perused the pictures and related narrative, I experienced a sudden lurching of the heart and the urge to hide under my desk. After a few minutes of self-calming strategies (this time: sniffing the ink cartridge bay of my jet printer) I concluded that I had experienced what we in clinical knitting circles refer to as a Stashback.

A Stashback is like a flashback, only fuzzier. It is an intrusive memory of a sudden and traumatic exposure to yarn. One's own yarn. Stashbacks are the hallmark of a serious, pervasive disorder known as Post Dramatic Stash Disorder (PDSD).

A Stashback can be triggered by the viewing of someone else's stash, being in a conversation about yarn stash, overhearing a conversation about yarn stash, the swooshy sound of a Rubbermaid container being opened and, in extreme cases, the sound of an idling delivery truck. There have been reports of severe cases of PDSD where the "victim" experiences symptoms at the mere sight of any man wearing brown shorts and matching socks. Okay, I guess you don't have to have a disorder to be alarmed at that visual.

The most common cause of PDSD is the shock of reality (i.e. shattering of myths) experienced by a deluded yarn owner upon the examination and accurate asssement of all yarn holdings.

Say What? Layman's Definition: PDSD is caused by sudden realization that one is a most silly, incompetent knitcumpoop, via a seemingly well-intended count of yarn skeins.

Other symptoms of PDSD:
-Avoidance of all things knitting.
-A constant, ceaseless, redundantly repetitive preoccupation with all things knitting.
-A preoccupation with beginning new projects.
-Avoidance of beginning new projects.
-A preoccupation with finishing current projects.
-Avoidance of finishing current projects.
-Ambivalence.
-Obsession with a particular Ebay purchase that promised to be an amazing glittery vintage yarn, but turned out to be mill ends from the Brillo factory. (I'd show a picture, but I can't bring myself to reopen the bin. You might discern this crap in one of the pictures of my stash, from the bedroom closet).
-Avoidance of all things related to scrubbing pans (see previous symptom).
-Hypersensitivity to other knitters' extensive list of finished knit products, usually knit up in yarn that was actually purchased for the intended pattern, with fantastic results.
-Constant comparing of one's own yarn "crap" to other knitters' apparently "bigger" and "better" stuff.
-Dissociation from or depersonalization of knit products (ex: Finding a knit piece of Berroco Uxbridge Tweed, like a sleeve, wondering what the hell it is and how it ended up in a bag in your office, then deciding it would make an excellent dust rag).

I realize that I have been beating the stash trauma to death. But evidently I wasn't as "over it" as I believed. In grad school I learned that an issue ain't over until it is. I paid mighty big bucks for that nugget, by the way. It's yours for free.

I know I'm on my way now. Really. I guess I just needed a little more "textual healing."

That being said, while I'm not one for "resolutions" per se, I do believe that in order for one to make a real change in behavior (physical and/or cognitive) a simple plan is in order. I've made such a plan. Serious too.

My Simple Plan for a Happier Knitting Tomorrow:
1- Purchase yarn only for an intended pattern.
2- Purchase yarn on eBay only when I have true, first hand knowledge of the yarn's value (i.e., I've heard of it).
3- Finish a project before completing another. Sidenote: This one may not seem related to PDSD, but it really is. It has to do with commitment, which is related to the ease of being distracted by new projects, which is related to purchasing yarn which is related to not using the yarn I currently own.

Tell Me Something Good...(thrill me thrill me thrill me)
Thankee Buddy Don for the nice comments on my childhood stories.

Related Purly trivia: Before I came to Blogger, I had a blog (for about three days) at a different site. My first post ever was an intro to the Girl with Gum in Her Hair and the blog was also named after her. I abandoned the blog after I decided to join the Knitblog ring and I wasn't able to link outside the host site. So telling The Girl's story was the impetus for my starting a blog. Once people actually started coming here, The Girl got kind of shy. For the record, The Girl is me, of course. And the buckeye poem is based on real events.

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# posted by Marcia @ 4:50 PM


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