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••• Friday, January 30, 2004

Marcy May Go Mary Moe..(or "What's Up Chuck?")
Earlier this week there was a disturbing article in our local paper about the USDA's ban on using meat from non-ambulatory cows (aka "Downers"). A rather loose para-phrase of the recent mandate goes as follows: Only the meat from cows healthy enough to walk themselves to death may be sold for human consumption. >::I'd provide a link to this article but I can't find it in the on-line local edition, which makes me wonder about a cowspiracy. A general on-line search produced a link to this article, which contains the gist but not the gristle of the local article.::

As a bone-a-fied meat eater, I should feel reassured that the government can guarantee my next standing rib roast will be the real deal. But for some reason, I can't find beef relief. Although the thought of downing a "Downer" burger is down right depressing, I'm finding little to celebrate in the assurance that Mama's Meatloaf will be soon be walking itself to the dinner table.

It's not the health issues that concern me. It's the pictures stampeding through my head. Pictures of healthily dying cows walking to my dinner plate. I can't shake the image of a weeping Susan Sarandon, reaching out to the redundantly ill-fated Dead Cow Walking. The bovine image I prefer is that of a sizzling New York strip, cozily coupled with an exquisite Beaujolais.

No doubt, this regulation is going to be costly to the farmers. I'm thinking Ol' McDonald will be seeking methods of getting around the non-drooling ruling. Some farmers may even turn to the church for guidance. I'm not talking about prayer, I'm talking about access to the Vatican's Procedures for Proper Papal Propping also known as PLA or Project Look-Alive.

This simple concept may the most efficiently clean way to float around the standing rule.

What will be the impact on the meat marketing industry? How long before a burger chain promo reads "Don't settle for the last cow standing. At the Get-Up- Now, Cow Burger Barn, our beef walks to the front of the line? " And if a walking cow is a tasty bite, a jogging cow must be that much better: "Our beef is 100% guaranteed to have participated in the Slaughter House 5K Run for Your Life." Yumm.

My husband and I have been talking about this beef shtick for a couple of days. While we were disgusted by the content of the article, the subject has mostly been the butt of many a lame joke around here. Had anyone asked, I would have said the article will not impact my choice of protein. However, during this week's grocery excursion, we silently wheeled by a usual stop. The meat cooler. It may mean nothing, or it maybe we're just chicken.

Daylee Foenetix (or say it, don't filet it)
I was delighted (and surprised) at the number of people (via comments) who indicated they have been mispronouncing Patons along with me. For those who missed it, per Marnie (and confirmed by a Bear in the Know) the proper pronunciation of Patons is PAY-tons. All this time I've been Celine Dioning it a la Pah-TONE, which explains why the woman at the yarn shop had never heard of it.

I've been wondering about this one for awhile. Is GGH pronounced Gff or Jff? And I guess I won't be calling around about Koigu any time soon.
# posted by Marcia @ 10:15 PM


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