••• Tuesday, September 28, 2004

The Urethra Chronicles
Two weeks ago we resumed potty training The Cakers at the request of the daycare provider, who recently announced that she has a hernia. While she didn’t come right out and say it, we’re thinking she’s thinking that her condition sprang from hefting the Pound Cakers onto the changing table several times a day.

We found some great training pull-ups that are designed to let the trainee feel it at first squirt. These things work pretty well. So well, in fact, I was initially concerned that the crotch inserts contain some kind of moisture activated acid.

When we first starting using the trainers, Cakers would initiate a sit on the potty, several times a day. But just before showtime, she’d pull-up, pee-down and demand a diaper change. After a few days she seemed to develop a tolerance to the acid release, and soon after, she wouldn’t even sit. Not even for a romp with Sponge Bob Barbie.

A few days ago she announced “I want bubble gum.” I was about to tell her we don’t have any gum, but on impulse blurted, “You can have bubble gum after you pee on the potty.”

I was certain that she was gonna flush this option down the mental crapper, along with all the other happy thoughts we’ve contaminated through linking with a tinkling (New Pretty Pony, various Barbies and their babies, etc.). So I was stunned to watch her whip off her panties and proceed to the oject de résistance. While I enjoyed a whipped panties induced flashback to my college days, my husband zoomed to the store for gumballs, returning just in time for the magic flush.

Last night, she finally agreed to Pee for SpongeBob Barbie (Sounds like a weird charity fundraiser) who has been sitting enticingly on the breakfast bar, for over a week now. The Cakers was thrilled with the prize and expressed an interest in doing it again today. She only gets to play with the doll for awhile, then they are separated until we pee again.

After this piddly task is accomplished, I’m afraid the next chore is going to be a real stinker. In fact Cakers has already told me, more than once, "I pee in the potty like a big girl. I poop in the potty when I'm four." A girl with a plan. Can’t hate that.

Media Darlings
And the Award for Understatement of the Year Goes to Richard Gagne, spokesman for the provincial police of Quebec who had this to say about a recent car accident:
The two people at this moment were in the midst of having sexual intercourse at the wheel of the vehicle, which makes driving that much more dangerous."
Tru dat.

::You'd think this would've been a case for the Mounties, ay?::

P.S. Check out this cool blog I found on a Google.

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