••• Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Knittin' Knuttins'
I've been wrestling with my Blaze sleeves, again. Between the two sleeves, I've re-ripped and re-knit, at least 5 inches, over the past two days.

And why did I do this? I did it to align the pattern at the bodice/armpit joint. Am I a knitting Goddess, or w,tf?

I'll take w,tf for five hundred sleeves, Alex. In other words, Knitting Goddess I ain't.

After all that fine-tuned attention to detail, I was finally (FINALLY!) ready to join the sweater body and sleeves in Holy Knitrimony.

But when I came to the part in the directions where it states,"If anyone here has reason to believe this menagerie trois should not be joined in holy knitrimony, raise your hand now, and forever hold the piece(s), in the bottom of a knit bag," I was stunned to witness this:

Upon closer inspection, I realized that this creepy sweater was trying to tell me that I wasted a shitload of time and effort aligning the armpit stitches,because the pattern at the sleeve/body join does not line up, by four stitches.

I'm sorry, but I've had about enough of this boolshit. I have things to do. Open Houses to plan. Spring things to knit.

But I'm not giving up. I will finish this little turd, at the cost of excellent armpit alignment. I know,nobody ever said knitting was going to be easy. Sometimes there's loss of life, limb and armpit alignment. And just between you and me, I think the pit part stinks.

Mi Open Casa, Su Open Casa
In comments, Kelle observes that I seem to be malingering in my parental duty to plan and provide a most excellent graduation party, for my son.

Well, I'm here to tell you, Little Miss Thang, I am currently working from a Graduation Party Plan . As follows:
1) Have a drink and think up some really cool shit to do for the party.
2) Go to bed.
3) Wake up and decide that all that cool shit you thought up last night was just the rum thinking, and who will give a rat's ass about the party anyway, come July?
4) Buy some really nice toilet paper at Costco.
5) Sweep toenail clippings from bathroom floor, into cold air return vent.
6) Wonder what the hell is a cold air return, if they are really cold and why people talk about them, as though they know what they are, but they really don't. Know. Either.
7) Wonder if my toenail clippings are now cold.
8) Laugh, clown, laugh.
9) Take my medicine.
10) Buy some really nice toilet paper at Costco.
P.S. I'm way behind in email correspondence blog reading. And I apologize. I've had about a one hour chunk of online time over the past three days, and chose to use that time to publish this post. Laurie, I hope to get to your book MEME this weekend.

Labels: ,

Comments: Post a Comment