••• Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Perfect Hostess 

First of all, I didn't mean to frighten anyone with that last post. Sometimes I just feel the need to kind of open her up, ya know?

So, today we're going to talk about something a little less scary than the contents of my brain. Parasites. I got one. A big one. For the most part, the entity that is my parasite, goes mostly unseen. Although, yesterday I did detect a strong parasitic odor around the refrigerator door.

So, aside from a refrigerator door handle smelling of Liz Claiborne's Curve, how do I know I have a parasite? Mostly its the disappearance of little things, like the last can of diet Coke (with lime), the tiny peanut butter cups from the moose tracks ice cream, spoons and forks. And more forks. (I have, like, four forks left). And my car. Okay, a car is not so small.

This parasite doesn't just feed off this hostess. He also moves her shit around. You know, stuff like a huge load of clean laundry, mysteriously moved from the dryer, to the ironing board. Heaped so precariously, that it tumbles when the phone rings.

And speaking of phones, those disappear as well. And run out of charge. At which point, they mysteriously reappear, in a neat pile, in the hallway. ::This is most irritating, as, with our particular phone model, the empty phone base rings when there is an incoming call, making it impossible to find the handset by sound.::

I guess I shouldn't complain too much about my mysterious blood-sucker. It could be worse. It could be money or booze or my underwear, on the MIA list.

And the car is disappearing every morning at 6 a.m., for a good cause. A job.

And I really shouldn't complain too much, because in a few short weeks I'll be driving this diet coke-suckin', fork-hoardin', phone-talkin', saggin'-ass parasite, to a new host setting. Far away.

Then, he won't suck 'round here no more.

Except from our bank account.

Then I'll be here, crying in my diet coke, sniffing the refrigerator door, and sneaking dirty forks into desk drawers.

So, I really shouldn't complain too much. I just wish I could see the little turd, ever once a while. Face-to-face. 'Cause I'm really gonna miss him.

And I'd really, really like my forks back.

Knittin' Knuggets
In comments, Daphne asked about the yarn for my wrap. ::I guess I have been a bad girl about keeping my Works in Progress updated, on sidebar. :: Daphne, it's a silk/wool blend, from Spirit Trail Fiberworks , which was so generously gifted to me by Kim.

The wrap pattern is the Ocean Lace Stole from Just One More Row. Wow. Getting a little linky today, now am I?

The wrap is coming along. I added a couple more inches last night. I'm finding it harder and harder to carve out knitting time with The Cakers around, these days. She's a girl on the go. And that's a serious understatement.

While on vacation, I purchased this book from the local yarn shop. ::I'm trying real hard not to buy yarn, until I dent my stash a bit more. More? Heh. I crack myself up. But still wanted to show my support....Yeah, that's it::.

I'm not going to review or critique this book, or anything like that. ::Picturing flying monkeys from the witches castle and the straw that be my innards, strewn hither and yarn.:: Because, truthfully, I don't know shit of such things. I do know what appeals to me, and care not what makes "good design."

Anyhoo, you knat listers might recall that this book came up in discussion, early in the summer. The knat list complaints were mostly that the pictures don't really show what the finished product looks like.

I agree that some of the sweater models aren't shown in full detail. I guess that doesn't bug me so much. I was mostly interested in the afghan and pillow patterns, and there is also a pattern for a gorgeous shawl.

But what I really like about this book, is that it's really, really wide. So, when it's on the bookshelf with the rest of my books, it makes itself readily known.

And when I pull out a neighboring book, to peruse, the Dallas book becomes unbalanced, on account of its width, and slips to the floor. Thus making itself impossible to ignore. On account of this, I highly recommend this book. Because it indicates the sheer genius of the designer. And for that reason, alone, I think she deserves both the recognition and revenue.

And I'm gonna wrap this up with a little something from Jack. ::Do you know Jack?::

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it. -Jack Handey

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