••• Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Student of the Month at WTF U. 

It would seem that I got off to an awkward start last week, with my maiden voyage on the good ship WTF Wednesday. Apparently, I didn't fully appreciate the vision behind the concept.

In my post last week, instead of sharing something that makes me go WTF, I tried to make you, the reader, go WTF. In other words, I didn't know WTF.

Because I am a student of the universe, I am constantly evaluating my performance and seeking avenues to self-improvement. On that note, last week Thursday I set a goal for myself; to figure this WTF out. First thing I did was to start keeping a list of WTF moments and observations as they occurred, so I could share them here. With you. On WTF Wednesday.

Then, some time in the last 24 hours, I lost my list.

I can't remember everything that was on the list, but I do know there were a couple from WTF-TV. One of those WTFs was about the tampon commercial showing a bunch of women doing jumping jacks, to depict the absorbing action of an inferior brand of tampon. Then they show the women happily twirling around and around, to depict how their product, the good tampon, responds to bodily fluids. It twirls.

Let's review
Jumping Jack Cork: Bad. And Ouch.
Twirling Tampon: Good. And Twirly.

::I wonder how that particular job experience would read on a resume. Response-to-Flow Reenactor? Or, I'm not a real Super Suck Simulator, but I play one on TV?::

Other lost WTFs included some observations and impressions of morons who live in my house. on my street.

In the meantime, since I'm here and you're here, and were all hanging by a string, I'm just going to pull something out. From somewhere.

Before we proceed, please bear in mind that I'm at the end of day two, out of three consecutive, full inservice days at work. I'm ree ree tired and whipped and one-eyed typing.

So here goes my WTF. And it's a true story. This time.

I've always had a secret nightmare of being wrongly accused of a crime and going to jail or prison for it. When this is the plot on a TV show, I cannot watch it. Even if it's a favorite show. I couldn't even watch the previews of that new show about the law firm that springs wrongly accused anti-perps from prison.

Deep inside of me lives a reasonable, logical person ::Yes, she's very tiny and not real bright.:: who can almost always talk me out of my ridiculously unreasonable fears. Of course, I also harbor a nasty little gnome who is convinced that my fear of prosecution is a manifestation of a guilty subconscious.


Last year August, a receptionist at my beauty salon was accused of embezzling money from the shop, after a bank deposit she was supposed to make, didn't show up in the drop box. She was eventually arrested, booked and charged with embezzlement and ended up spending several hours in jail.

She was also fired from her job,had to pay back the money that was missing and also perform community service.

The bank claimed to have fully investigated the possibility of there being a problem with the box and also claimed that their video camera did not show her making the drop.

A couple of weeks ago, a maintenance technician came to do some work on the deposit box. He was only there a few minutes before finding the deposit bag lodged in the top of the box. Evidently neither the bank, the police or even the woman's defense attorney thought to look there as part of their individual investigations.

I'm happy to report that the woman recently made a settlement with the bank for an undisclosed amount of money. She was also offered a job by the bank, as well as her old job at the salon. She declined both offers.

I will now excuse myself to go perform a celebratory round of the Jumping Jack Cork. This tampon dance is dedicated to the bank. Because it sucks to be them. On WTF Wednesday.

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