••• Sunday, February 11, 2007

100 Months of Sundays 

That's the first word, er, sound that comes to mind whenever I set about to write a blog post lately.

Eh is sound number two.

And funny how I have the sudden urge to write a post, when I have absolutely no time to do so.

Why don't I have any time, you ask?

I've got 100 reasons why. And not a one of them is that I plucked out both my eyeballs with an oyster fork. Yet.

1) Tomorrow is 100th Day at Cakers' school. It's a near frenzied-pitch-holiday-like celebration of the 100th day of school.

2) In honor of the holiday, Cakers must bring in a piece of poster board to which is adhered 100 same-item somethings, e.g. 100 cotton balls or 100 stickers or buttons, etc.

3) In the parent manual titled How to Get Your Child and Family Safely Through The 100th Day Celebration and Beyond, we were instructed to keep it simple by using items we already have around the home. You know, those every day items you keep in 100-count packages or piles.

4) Aside from feminine hygiene products, cans of creamed corn and whatever the hell I harvested from behind the bathroom door last week, we don't carry much around here in 100-count bundles.

5) But then I found the bin of pictures. Lots and lots of pictures of all the people and creatures in The Cakers' life. I cut them into face-size squares for her to count and put into bundles of 10, for later adhesion.

6) In the meantime, Cabana boy went to the store to fetch posterboard and two-sided adhesive tape.

7) In the meaner time, Cakers and I finished up the homemade Valentines for her class party.

8) The party is Wednesday.

9) The Valentines are due tomorrow.

10)After I cut and pasted Cakers' artwork onto the cards, she signed the cards and addressed the envelopes. Keeping her on task was not as easy as I make it sound. Picture that ol' Family Circus standby, where the kid takes a five-mile detour through the neighborhood, after being sent on a 50-step trip to the garage.

11) In the meanest time, Cabana Boy returned with the 100th Day project booty.

12) In addition to the 100 Things poster and Valentines, tomorrow we must also supply 100 small pieces of food thingies to put into the 100th Day stew.

13) Cabana Boy got right on that 100-same-food-things thingie, while I grabbed some miles on the Ellipticator.

14) Cabana Boy also supervised the adhering of the 100 things to the poster board, while I Ellipticated.

15) Tomorrow evening is the annual Father/Daughter Valentines dance.

16) After I worked out and showered, we were off to take Cakers for a scheduled manicure. ::My sister is a hair stylist and made the offer.::

17) The hair salon is right in front of Costco, so Cabana and I headed over there,while Cakers gets stylized.

18) Just inside the entrance of Costco were some tables of clothing in which I showed some initial interest.

19) A minute after leaving the above mentioned table, I noticed something out of the corner of eye. It was a pink baby outfit on a hanger, dangling from the outer pocket of my purse. I yelled out to Cabana, who looked, shrugged and kept walking. As I turned to bring the outfit back from hence I presumed it came, a woman approached me to say that she had been watching and thought it was pretty weird that I had a baby outfit hanging from my purse.

20) Hahaha I said. Crazy-ass bitch, I think.

21) I ran into the same woman further into the store. "Have you been able to keep things from jumping onto your purse?" she asked. Tee Hee.

22) Teeheehee, crazy ass bitch.

23) Cabana shrugged and walked away.

24) After the manicure, we were off to find some dance shoes and tights for Cakers.

25) Then people had to eat.

26) Bob Evans. Cakers' favorite.

27) Bob Evans. Momma's Barfinfuckinola.

28) I finished the front of Polar. The turtle boat neck thingie didn't work out, so I did some calculating on the orginal collar, so it won't droop so much, in the event I ever finish it.

29) When I fetched that piece from the couch to photograph, I came upon a bad scene: Cat barf all over the back piece of the sweater, and on a skein of yarn.

30) I've tried to deny it all day, but you pretty much gotta know that the sweater is doomed.

31) Survival status of the cat: Pending.

32) After returning from errands and getting Cabana's new girlfriend to bed, I spent some time looking at hat patterns, again.

33) I'm very pretty sure the sweater is doomed.

34) Anybody seen the cat?

100) I was absent the day we counted to 100 in grade school.

P.S. I think the poster turned out really cool.

P.P.S. I think that Ted Haggard should jump on the "I'm the father of Danny Lynn" bandwagon. It could give him some straight cred.


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