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••• Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Keeping Abreast
I don't know where to start.

I've read that our poor tiny earth continues to vibrate in response to the recent, massive earthquake. I'm wondering if all this subliminal wiggling is taking a psychic toll on my home collection of beasts and children.

At 4 a.m. this morning The Cakers woke up, ready to greet her day in the usual way: Watching toonies in bed with daddy.

She didn't take the rejection well.

And bless my husband's fineassed soul for being the first responder to our little nocturnal emission. But sometimes that sweet man-o-mine is just a little too sweet.

At four in the morning, you don't open a can of delicate negotiation when dealing with a toddler. At four in the morning, ya need a can of whoopass. Of da momma variety.

Outta my way, I snarled past my bewildered, beboxered hunk.

Momentarily silent, The Cakers tried to stare me down.

It’s bed time. Lay down.

No.

I’m going to turn off your night light and shut the door. Let me know when you're ready to lay down and be quiet.

After 30 seconds of wailing, the sweet plea was heard and peace prevailed.

Back in bed, just moments after I fell back to sleep, I woke to the sound of Bella the Cat plucking her way across our box spring, downunder. This was followed with a quick "pluck around the world” along the box spring parameter, just before she jumped on my head to poke her nose in my nostril and breathe me deep.

After I got the plucky little furbitch settled ,The Man Who Lives in Cheddar’s Mouth* started up with the Babylonian baloney. Evidently the The Man Who Lives in Cheddar’s Mouth chattered to Cheddar that if he licked his empty ball sockets for 17 consecutive hours, his balls would grow back.

Evidently Cheddar believed him. Starting...now.

The subsequent hushing of the dog and entourage woke up the Bella, who required a couple sips from my left nostril before going back to sleep.

Clock says 5:15.
I say fuck.
30 minutes to liftoff.

Once up and showered, I was faced with the task of finding an appropriate costume outfit into which I could handily stuff my ever burgeoning breastial units.

Seriously. It's a daily enterprise. My D cups are now D lids. And I’m running out of things to wear. If I go slightly loose and drapey, I look, well, slightly loose and drapey. Like a cute little training tent from L'Ecole d'Omar.

Form fitting looks best these days, but then I feel like I’m bringing the kids to school for show and tell.

Today I went with a tight, black v-neck sweater and flouncy skirt.

Show and Tell meets Booby Tuesday.
Goodbye Booby Tuesday
I could hang a coat on you.
Seems you grow with every new day.
Are they real, or tissue?
Tuesday's Child is Full of MEME
I found this over at the Queens of MEME. While there, I was also able to preview my recent comment contest winnings (item 2, I presume?), the arrival of which I eagerly await. And yes La, it does pay to be a smart ass. And I suspect we have both earned a good wage over the years.

THREE NAMES I GO BY:
1. Marcia
2. Marcy
3. Mom

THREE SCREEN NAMES I HAVE HAD:
1. GumInHerHair
2. RubbitsTummy
3. DeadSeaSquirrels

THREE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MYSELF:
1. Humor
2. I smell dead people
3. Good instincts

THREE THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT MYSELF:
1. Disorganized
2. Easily suspicious
3. That my boobs won't stop growing

THREE PARTS OF MY HERITAGE:
1. Dutch
2. Irish
3. Pig Latinese

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
1. Spiders
2. Mothers of spiders
3. Passing semis on the freeway

THREE OF MY EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Knitting
2. Eyebrow tweeze time
3. Coffee

THREE THINGS I AM WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Sweet Honesty
2. Smartass grin
3. Minimally effective minimizer Bra

THREE OF MY FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS (at the moment):
1. Van Morrison
2. REM
3. Counting Crows

THREE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS (at the moment):
1. Into The Mystic - Van Morrison
2. Under Pressure - Queen and David Bowie
3. Drop it Like its Hot-Snoop Dogg

THREE NEW THINGS I WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS::
1. To finish a sweater, and like it.
2. Not be such a loner
3. Gourmet cooking class.

THREE THINGS I WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Trust
2. Reciprocation
3. Foreplay. Lotsa.

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1. I redated and subsequently dumped every longterm bf who dumped me.
2. First Lady Betty Ford came to my high school graduation, apparently intoxicated.
3. I love watermelon.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO ME:
1. Left Butt cheek
2. Right Butt cheek
3. Smile

THREE THINGS I JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Go to bed on time
2. Stop worrying that I have OCD
3. Get the laundry done.

THREE OF MY FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Knitting
2. Reading
3. Skiing

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Have a week all to myself.
2. Lose 15 pounds.
3. Tweeze my eyebrows (I lost my favorite tweeze and can't stop touching 'em)

THREE CAREERS I'M CONSIDERING:
1. Crossing guard
2. Hoochy Coochy girl
3. Queen

THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Cornwall
2. Paris
3. Bahamas

THREE KID'S NAMES:
1. Duncan
2. Jackie
3. Ivy

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Learn to play the piano
2. Visit Stonehendge
3. Figure out if you're trying to tell me something here.

THREE WAYS I AM STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I leave laundry on the floor, next to both hampers.
2. Preoccupation with my large breasts
3. Not a big snuggler.

THREE WAYS I AM STEREOTYPICALLY A CHICK:
1. Love to cook.
2. Analyze things to death
3. Total athletic klutz

THREE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. Andy Garcia
2. John Cusack
3. Usher

*Sometimes at night, a noise emits from Cheddars mouth that sounds exactly like a little man speaking a foreign language. It's both frightening and uncanny.

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# posted by Marcia @ 7:00 AM


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