I liked today's topic for 10 Things Tuesday, so I'm biting.

Ten Signs That You're Getting Older

1) Your boss was not even born yet, when "Brandy" by Looking Glass was the number one hit in the nation.

2) Your tummy is bigger, rounder,and firmer than your ass.

3) Whenever you tell a story about your past, you include statements like "I remember because Aunt Annabelle was pregnant with JoJo,and wearing that ridiculous maternity dress with the watermelon print, and Chappy was 9 months old when JoJo was born and now Chappy's 37, which means Margaret really did see grandpa pass Aunt Crystal the bottle of Mad Dog, just before the outhouse caught fire..."

4)You find yourself suddenly and inexplicably attracted to late model Cadillac sedans.

5) You don't get creeped out when the father of a high school classmate gives you an "appreciative" glance.

6) You get a little creeped out when you realize that old guy IS your high school classmate, who was more than a little creepy back in high school.

7) You can remember when dogs ran free and sometimes two dogs would play on the railroad tracks and somehow their butts would get stuck together and you would feel kind of weird when you stopped and stared and then you ran home but didn't tell your mom what you saw because you were afraid that you did something wrong by looking at it and she would yell at you and tell you to stay off the railroad tracks. Again.

8) You throw out your back just brushing your teeth.

9) You remember when a "C" cup was considered big.

10) You realize that you don't need a pretty body to have a great sex life; just love, trust and lots of practice.

Labels: MEME

And The Nominees Are...

*

1) Gibknits. She's sweet, generous, talented, really talented and has a wonderful laugh. Okay, that last one you wouldn't necessarily know from just reading her blog, but now you do. Most important: She's my friend. And I Lurves Her.

2) Rabbitch. She's really funny. And kinda scary. And her name has Bitch. ::Can blog readers catch Stockholm Syndrome?::

3) Niksknits. Nik is someone I believe I would be instantly comfortable with, were we to meet in the real world. She's a clever designer, smart and funny, and never takes herself too seriously.

4) Reddogknits-I don't much care for the freckles on her but the horsemen knew her. 'Nuf said. And she draws a mean tampon wrapper.

5) Panopticon-Duh.

6) The Darwin Exception.-I found this blog last fall, on a google for a sewing tip. Somehow I didn't bookmark the site and lost her for awhile. She's got an interesting life going, that's for sure. Her observations and prose remind me a bit of Gwyn, of Woolly Mama fame. Check out her Neighbors category.

7) The Knitting Channel. I've been trying to come up with an apt, brief description of Betsy, and I'm not confident that I can do her justice, in abbreviated terms. But here goes anyway: a) She's a real fast knitter. b) She's a real good knitter. c) She loves knitting tams but she doesn't know why. c) She's lead a very interesting life and hints, at times, that it hasn't been all Peaches and Herb. d) She suffers no fools gladly, or at all for that matter. e) She has strength of character and f) a sense of humor and g)I think she is the kind of person I'd want by my side in the trenches h) which has nothing at all to do with the fact that f) She knows her way around an M16. ::I trust she was kidding about the cat thing.::

8) Sandy's Knitting. Sandy, Sandy, Sandy. She's genuinely upbeat and sweet, without a smidge of saccharine. Nope. All Chirp. No Urp. That's our Sandy.

9) Rachael. Rachael lives a rich life and I love how she paints it for us, through her writing. When I read her posts, I feel like I'm right there, soaking sunbeams with a critter, or having a cuppa joe on the porch. She is love.

10) JenLa. They are the heartbeat Knitblogistan.

Please Just Sleeve Me Alone





::This Mission Probable Possible stint is going to send me back into therapy. Maybe it's God's plan. To feed the therapists of the world with the remnants of what remains of what used to be a moderately intact psyche. I'm close to figuring it out though. I'll keep you posted.::

Souper Bowl Sunday



Cabana took to the kitchen this afternoon, and whipped up a pot of chicken rice soup. The recipe was pretty standard fare, except for the surprise element of fresh mint. It tasted kind of weird to me, at first. Not at all minty, but kind of licorice-y. However, after about 2.5 slurps, I was all about the weird. Yum.

Here's to an evening of tight ends and fresh balls.

*The rules are, if you're nominated, you pick 10 bloggers who make your day, and pass it on. You're supposed to leave every person a comment about the nomination. I prefer to just put it out there and nominees are free to do with it what they will.

Labels: Bad Sports Metaphors, MEME, Missionary Style '08, Sundry Sunday, The Horsemen Knew Her

Tuesday afternoon it was 47 degrees here, and pouring down rain.The forecast for Tuesday night, however, called for a sudden drop in temperature, snow, high winds and below zero wind chills.

The meteorologists were having a field day with this incoming band of dread. With each forecast update, there was chest beating, gong banging and foaming of the orifices.

And what was the cause of this above average weatherpeeps hyperfest?

A heavy coat of freshly fallen vernacular: Flash Freeze Warning.

I had never heard of this Thing Called Flash Freeze, and initially it brought to mind a vague, childhood memory of an instant coffee commercial.

Anyway. Because it was fairly warm, Bella had been in and out of the house all day Tuesday,likely to poop under the porch and look for other signs of spring, such as baby bunnies and bikini waxes. At 10:30 p.m., with a stunned look on her fur and artic winds at her ass, Bella darted into the house after Cheddar's last call.

That night I did not sleep well. The wind rattled the house and wracked windows with branches. When I did sleep, I was haunted by dreams of Flash Frozen Bellas, stuck on the lawn, like tiny Sphinxes on an Egyptian Tundra. Well, if the Egyptians had such a thing.

In one dream she was only semi-frozen, so could still meow a little. A couple of times I woke up with racing heart and the momentary belief that I had left my L'il Fluffinator outside to die. Once awake, I'd remember that she was indeed safe. Eventually I’d fall back to sleep, for another round of Fargo Bella.

Wednesday we had a snow day. Snow Day is Good. Usually. But a second Snow Day in a one week period? Not so good. At least for me. As I've said before, legally mandated timelines and deadlines do not know the Snow Day.

Tonight we're supposed to get up to 10 inches of new snow. And if another Snow Day is called,it will definitely be too much of a good thing.

Sometimes Too Much of a Good Thing is Just Right


Thank you Robbyn and Kat With a K, for the nominations.

Not only am I honored by the honor itself, but also by the mere association with such distinguished company of the other nominees. Thank you, again.

I'm still working on my list of nominations. It should be a simple thing to do, but I kind of like things complicated, ya know?

I just met Kat at the Franklin event, last Saturday. Distracted by the news of our local tragedy, I neglected to mention her in my last post. And Sharon. ::waving.:: And Eweniss ::Nice to meet you! And I'm really sorry I swore in front of your children. Really. ::

When it Rains, it Snows. When it Snows, I Knits.
I finished the back of Cakers Willams Step-Bro sweater. I hope to get sleeves done this weekend. It will be good to knock this one off my Mission Possible list.



This project has been like an annoying wad of toilet paper,in the sewage system of my mind. ::shut up.:: It starts off as a fairly innocuous slowdown. But pretty soon the other innocuous stuff backs up behind it, and, well,let's just say I'm looking forward to this particular dance with the plunger. And I apologize for the scary imagery of the inside of my mind.

Friday Morning Update: No Snow Day. Yay. I just hope Sharon can get off the ground today, for her trip to Cancun. I couldn't post this last night because Blogger was being a Booger.

Labels: MEME, Missionary Style '08, Snow Day, Yarn Yang

I'm still working on my Baby New Year post.
Well, I'm still thinkin' on workin' on it.
It's complicated, all this thinkin'.
And related linkin'.

Anyway.

When we went to the cottage, we left a half-baked Christmas clean-up in our wake, which continues to be a bake in process. The problem is that we need to make room for the new loot. And it's at this point that things are getting back logged.

For example, I got a new Dutch oven for Christmas. In the cupboard where that should go, are several coffee cups that go with my everyday dishes. In my everyday coffee cup cupboard are Christmas dish coffee mugs, plus about a dozen memorabilia mugs collected over the years (including two mugs we had made up from Cakers' friend's artwork last year.)

So, before I can put away the Dutch oven, I have to find a new home for about 15 useless coffee mugs. On that note, Cabana is at this moment, clearing seven years of shit out of two storage rooms. Some of this stuff was never unpacked from when I moved in with my new husband. I had lots of storage at my divorcee home. Cabana's house was smaller and already furnished with most household amenities, so I left most of my crap in boxes.

Two years later, when I had a Cakers in the oven, we moved again. This house had much more room, but with a pending Cakers and all related organizational preps, there was no time to sort through the unnecessary stuff. And then a baby happened and the rest is a bunch of crap in boxes. ::One such box is currently being rifled through before my very eyes, as I type, which is a hint in spades for me to get off the keyboard and start moving coffee cups. And not just the one I'm currently drinking from.::

Here's today's eye candy. Rotten Apples In Snow.



When I previewed this picture after uploading it, Cakers happened to be standing next to me.

"Do you think that picture is interesting?" she asked.

"Yes. Do you?" I said.

She paused, tilted her tangled head just a tad enough to indicate polite condescension, and said in an almost apologetic tone, "Not really." then walked away, shaking her head.

And on that uninteresting note, here's a snow covered outhouse.



::I hate to shithouse and run, but I just now saved two pieces of my son's preschool artwork from going to the trash. Bastid. Fuck the coffee cups. I gotta get to the basement and open a box of whoopass.::

Labels: eye candy Friday, MEME, Missionary Style '08, Yarn Yang

...Ogre Easy



Cakers brought this home from school today. I wish you could see his ghost-like skirted bottom, but he wouldn't all fit on the scanner.

I love this stuff.

I love picturing her picturing the picture in her fabulous mind, before putting it to paper.

I love wondering her wonder as to how wonderful it will be.

And the best part for me:

She has no idea how wonderful it is,
That wonderful that she is.

Labels: Dental Hijinx, eye candy Friday, MEME, Missionary Style '08, Yarn Yang

I own shirts with a tighter squeeze.-Cabana's comment to College Boy, just moments after the busboy at Red Lobster attempted the Heimlich manuever on Cabana, even though he wasn't really choking like that.

What a night of laughs that was.

But today, we're all kinds of random.

Wednesday's Child is Full of Boog
Cakers is sick. It seems that her upper respiratories are throwing some kind of goober fest. She has a cough that sounds like a bullfrog, and her breathing sounds like puppy growl. Last night, when I checked on her before I went to bed, the growling stopped, and I thought she had stopped breathing. A few seconds later, I realized she had been breathing all along, but just the growling had stopped.

Even though I went to bed knowing she was okay, those few seconds of fear stuck with me in my sleep, and I woke up every couple hours, after strange dreams of coughing frogs and growling dogs and Cakers crying for me from a room I couldn't find.

So I'm tired.

Yesterday, the self-Unemployed Cabana was reconstituted into a self-employed man. This is a good day. To commemorate, I took a sick day to look after the Cakers.
I did drive to the office to pick up some stuff to work on at home. However, with only 3 hours of sleep under my pillow, I fear for the quality of anything I touched today.

7 Thangs
Way back, Kelli called on me for the 7 things meme. I really struggled with this one, this time. It's like I ran out of goofy.

But here it goes anyway:

1) By the time I was in 7th grade, I had read the V word, but had never heard it pronounced ::Even now, I struggle with merely uttering its spelling upon a keyboard.::

I read it as Vageena.

In my gym class was a girl from South Carolina. She was really sweet, with a great accent and an almost perfectly linked uni-brow. Her name was Regina, which I then believed to rhyme with Vagina.

I was a developmentally disturbed 7th grader, so of course I never looked her in the eye again. I finally confessed what I thought was the coup de snark of the year, to my best bud Alice. Once she stopped laughing for the third time, she corrected my faulty pronunciation and proceeded to tease me about it for the next six years.

2) When I was in 7th grade, still, while sitting in Mr. Casper's 4th hour science class and wearing a handknit poncho, I swallowed a quarter. I remember putting the quarter between my teeth, just as my friend Guyann Ryder performed her famous impression of the Waffle Wiffer. Of course I laughed, and it was down the hatch with George. I didn't choke, but I do remember that it didn't go all the way down for a few hours.

Of course I was sent home. My recently widowed mother was pretty pissed. But not nearly as pissed as my recently half-orphaned brother, who had just returned home from the front lines of Viet Nam to help my mom take care of, well, me.

And that he did.

Anyhoo. My mom called the doctor, who told her to tell me to poke at my poop every day, to make sure it passed. If it didn't pass, I'd have to come in for a procedure.

Poke my poop, my ass.

I said I saw it.
But I lied.
For all I know, it's still in there.

3) Over 25 years ago, when the victim advocacy movement was in its toddlerhood, I was a volunteer counselor for the local Rape Crisis Team. It was one of the most powerful experiences of my life, and pretty much set me on my current, professional course.

4) My husband is the only man who has ever been allowed to snuggle me while I sleep.

5) I went to a Phish concert once. I wore khakis and a purple wool blazer and carried a leather purse.

I was not much impressed.
I'm sure the feeling was mutual.

6) I had my first boyfriend in the 4th grade. His name was Steve and he had clodhopper feet and a great sense of humor and loved to carry me around the playground at recess. Steve was one of three kids from my 6th grade class, who committed suicide before the age of 25.

7) I made my first pun at the age of 8, by renaming of a Disney Classic: Snow White and the Seven Drifts. I know. I should have quit when I was ahead.

I'm Out of My Heading, With Fatigue.






Edit: I reloaded the asswatch picture. It was only showing up half the time. It's not like he needs a watch or anything.

Edit: Ass begone!

Labels: MEME, WTF Wednesday

As in What, The Foot Fetish?



This is a Kinda Ken doll which Cakers requested for Christmas. He's actually Prince Derek the Derelict, an alleged cobbler turned prince who apparently gets his freak on by sneaking girlie dancing shoes to the main characters in the Made for DVD Barbie movie, The 12 or 13 or How Many Ever Dancing Princesses.

And that is exactly how the Derelict Doll comes in the package, with 12 pairs of girls' dancing shoes. Now, if you didn't know the story line, WTF would you think?

I know.

WTFF.

The MEME Season
Over a week ago, Rabbitch blessed me with the 6 Weird Things Meme. And it goes something like this: Identify 6 weird things about yourself and then tag some other people and let the other people know they are tagged via comments at their blog.

1) When I was a little girl, I had an imaginary friend named Boo who would beat me up. I'm not kidding. Boo lived in a tree in the wooded lot near my home. She looked a lot like me, except she had twigs in her hair and a filthy face, and I just had twigs in my hair. Most of the time Boo was relatively harmless and would merely hiss at me from her perch. Every once in a while, though, she'd scramble down the tree to give me a sound punch in the stomach. I would then run crying home to my mom who would yell at me for making up weird shit. Honest. To. God. Ida passed a lie detector on this one.

2) When I was a little girl, I wanted to look like this:



I would stand in front of a mirror for long periods of time, tugging on my nose to get the effect. Way Weird was that my mother confessed to doing the same thing when she was a girl. I know. ::Maybe Boo was just trying to knock some sense into me, eh?::

3) I will not enter the stall of a public bathroom if the water in the toilet bowl is moving even a little from the last flush. I definitely will not enter a stall if the previous owner is still in the bathroom.

4) I am messy and disorganized and hate to clean house. Hate. It. But I love to clean my kitchen sink with old fashioned Comet Cleanser.

5) When I am on a walk and a jogger is jogging at me, I will hold my breath from the time the jogger is about 6 feet in front of me until he/she jogs past. If a jogger passes me from behind, I will hold my breath for 10 seconds after he/she passes. This is to make up for the seconds I should have been holding my breath on the approach, but wasn't holding my breath because I didn't know the jogger was coming at me. Every time I go on a walk, I pray that I won't cross paths with any running clubs.

6) I have some weird laundry habits. I love to sort dirty laundry but I hate to put it away. My very most favorite laundry activity is to load up the whites and watch the clothes go 'round and 'round until pulled down by the agitator. I watch this action until the water turns gray. I only do it with whites. My other favorite laundry activity is cleaning the corners of the lint trap with a metal bbq skewer. I sometimes need to be wrenched away from this one. What I need is some really long ass tweezers....hmmm.

I'm tagging Junior Goddess, down there in East Cupcake Texas and Denise and hmmm, Sarah.

And anyone else who wants it. I can't remember how many I'm supposed to tag but if this were a 7 Weird things MEME, you might learn that I can be dangerously oppositional.

I realize this is a second post in one day, but I still have some bad post karma to burn. K?

I'm still kind of mad at knitting so haven't done any in awhile. I am working on that though.

P.S. I'm suddenly not feeling well and need to lie down. I'll meme tag peeps later. yikes.

Labels: MEME, WTF Wednesday

I've been working on a real post, but this ain't it.

I really shouldn't even be doing this right now because I'm supposed to be getting my house ready for guests later today. It's a birthday celebration of sorts, for me and my mom.

The guests kind of invited themselves. Initially I tried to say no, but it came out along the lines of "It's really not a good time for us, with Eric working 2 jobs and all, and I'm having guests for Thanksgiving a few days later. Ask around and if no one else can do it, I will."

2 hours later the follow-up call came to tell me the contract to throw my own birthday party was my own. I'm pretty sure the person simply set a kitchen timer before calling me back, to make it look like he/she tried.

This person who made all the arrangements also agreed to make all the arrangements for who is bringing what so the only prep I am responsible for is hiding the empties and scraping out the toilet bowl.

This person has also been unavailable to me by phone for several days. A sibling suggested I call the person's cell phone, but then we both agreed that would be a bad idea, because this person doesn't know how to use the phone and hearing it ring might just make him/her cry.

I'd love to share more, but I need to save something for my book, which won't be published until my entire family has either died, been incarcerated or gone completely off their nuts.

Got Bent?
This is what's left of my birthday flowers.



Last night The Cakers said "Look at your flowers, mommy!"

"I know, they're old."

"No mommy, they're not old. They're just bent."

Bent. Yup.

No Clever Headings Today.
Here's me Red Scarf, in all his/her fringed glory.



I've decided I don't care for the making of fringe. I find it a fussy awkward affair.

Meme Streak
Because I've nothing else.

This one's been floating around. I saw it first at Rabbitch

You can only type one word in response to the prompt.

1. Yourself: bleary
2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend (spouse): mine
3. Your hair: tsunami
4. Your mother: awol
5. Your Father: deceased
6. Your Favorite Item: camera
7. Your dream last night: Japanese
8. Your Favorite drink: wine
9. Your Dream Car: red
10. The room you are in: dining
11. Your Ex: which?
12. Your fear: loss
13. What you want to be in 10 years? alive
14. Who you hung out with last night? dog
15. What You're Not? organized
16. Muffins: poppyseed
17. One of Your Wish List Items: time
18. Time: insufficient
19. The Last Thing You Did: scanned
20. What You Are Wearing: pajamas
21. Your Favorite Weather: fallish
22. Your Favorite Book: ShellSeekers
23. The Last Thing You Ate: Cornmuffin
24. Your Life: tight
25. Your Mood: waytight
26. Your best friend: husband
27. What are you thinking about right now? housework
28. Your car: garbagebomb
29. What are you doing at the moment? typingduh
30. Your summer: glorious
31. Your relationship status: Yummy
32. What is on your TV? FairlyOddParents
33. What is the weather like? dreary
34. When is the last time you laughed? thismorning

who else will do this? Unknown.

I don't know where I saw the link to this one, but I found the precision of the results pretty amazing, seeing as how I live in the Great Lake State and all.

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Inland North You may think you speak "Standard English straight out of the dictionary" but when you step away from the Great Lakes you get asked annoying questions like "Are you from Wisconsin?" or "Are you from Chicago?" Chances are you call carbonated drinks "pop."
The Midland
The South
The Northeast
Philadelphia
The West
Boston
North Central
What American accent do you have? Take More Quizzes

I seriously can't believe I got such a high score on this one. I did not pay attention in high school. I have, however, always been a good guesser.



Bring 'er Home
I've been working on a post for days about the slow dawning on my density that as I've aged over the past couple of years I have become a new marketing demograph. And just this week it has decidedly kicked my ass morale.

However, what with throwing myself a birthday party and planning a Thanksgiving feast and my ever imploding caseload at work which requires my coming home every night to pick the residual particles out of my brain before I can function further, there will likely be no real posting again until the last Turkey has Trotted.

And I mean it.

And I briefly scanned this post for glaring whatevers but otherwise it's going to publication as is.

Pretty much.

Labels: Charity Knits, Knit Done, MEME, With Grace My Ass

Those Knitblog Strumpets of Ingenuity have done it again, with The Knitblog Scavenger Hunt. And it goes something like this:

-Your finds must come from knit blogs.
-You may not use a blog for more than one item-all items must come from different sources.
-Finds can come from current entries or archives.
-You must post your answers with the title of the blogs they were found on and a link to the blog/item (permalinks where appropriate) on your blog. If no permalink is available, give us the post date.
-Do not steal anyone’s bandwidth-which means you should not hotlink pictures.
-You need to comment at JenLa and let them know when you have completed this meme.

My scavenged booty:

1. A blog which you think people have not discovered.

Saunshine. Check out her patterns on the sidebar. I'm really lovin' the Regine, and am very interested in seeing the rest of the lacy tank she's been teasing us with for a couple of days now.

2. A blog whose author lives close to you physically. Just get as close as you can, it’s all relative.

Our beloved T-Bears: Blackdog and Crowing Ram (I know you said just one, but they're a package deal, k?) And yes, I've met them.

3. An unusual or weird animal picture.

From Rabbitch. How did she get them to do dat?

4. An entry that made you laugh and got you strange looks from family or co-workers.

Franklin's soap opera. I had to stop reading it a couple of times because I was filled with murderous writer's envy so I could catch my breath, from laughing so hard.

5. An idea you wish you’d thought of.

It's only good and proper that I go back to The Source on this one.

6. Something you’d like to knit.

Diamond Fantasy Shawl. My first choice was going to be Eris, but there's already been a lot of that pattern going around with this MEME and I'm kind of oppositional like that.

I am not.

7. A picture of something you consider beautiful.

All of Cara's banners at January One. ::In case you didn't know, every time you click onto the site, you get a different one. Go ahead, try it. Click in. Out. Now in, again.::

The girl's got skills.

8. A blog whose author you’d like to one day meet in person.

This is a hard one. There are many, of course. But I'll have to go with Kimmy.

9. A blog of someone you have already met in person.

There haven't been that many real life meetins' for me. I've come real-time face-to-face with Her Knitterly Highness The Handknitter, on several auspicious occasions. ::That girl's got skills too. Hi Sarah::

My Pretty Smart Pony
After The Cakers went to bed last night, I came across this:



At first I found it disturbing. After a few moments of ponder, however, it made a perfectly disturbing kind of sense.

We're Gonna Need a Bigger Pair of Pants
Work this week (so far) has been so insanely, ass-kickingly, crisis-oriented busy, I'm actually enjoying it. It's like having a gaping, raw canker sore that you can't stop poking with your fork tongue. You hate the pain, but love the resulting racing heart.

What I'm trying to say is that I'll be low riding 'round here until the weekend (aka start of spring break).

You need chaos in your pants to give birth to a dancing star.- Nietzche's Tailor

Post post note: That last post messed up something on my alignments or margins, so I'm going to one-post-per-page until the bad seed gets bumped down.

Labels: MEME, My Daughter Scares Me

I'm up for air. Briefly.

Over the weekend I spent over 10 precious hours studying for the test. And then a couple more hours on a report for work. I did finish reading and outlining (on color coded index cards, even. What a fuckin' dweeb.) the study manual that covers DSM-IV diagnoses and recommended treatments. And there were meds.

Lotsa meds.

Even though a good time was had by all, my brain feels like the tip of a magic marker that's lost its cap. All dry-eyed and fuzzified.

And, because I have had nothing to think or talk about for days, but testie psychobabble, I thought I'd distract myself with a pleasant, topically benign MEME.

And it goes something like this:

Four jobs you've had in your life:

1.Reality Checker
2.Rapid Cycler
3.Auto Mechanism
4.Disease Model

Four movies you could watch over and over again:

1.Binge-y
2.Man of La Munchauser
3.Bi-Polar Express
4.Freud Green Tomatoes

Four places you have lived:

1. Great State of Denial
2. Panic, Pennsylvania
3. Moody, Alabama
4. Normal, Illinois.

Four TV shows you love to watch:

1.Sex Files
2. Arrested Development
3. The Median
4. Everybody Idealizes Raymond

Four places you have been on vacation:

1. Jungstown, Ohio
2. Catatonia, Spain
3. South of the Borderline, Mexico
4. Delusion Islands

Four websites you visit daily:

1.The Obse*ssive Comp*ulsive Foundation
2.The Obse*ssive Comp*ulsive Foundation
3.The Obse*ssive Comp*ulsive Foundation
4.The Obse*ssive Compu*lsive Foundation

Four of your favorite foods:

1. Bacon, fetish and tomato sandwich.
2. Word salad
3. Ego Waffles
4. Creme DeMentia ice cream sundaes.

I tag anyone with the proper psychotropic credentials.

I Wanna Hear You Say It
That you love me.
And my shawl.
Because I'm not going away until you do.
Say it.
Say. It.

I love you.
I love your shawl.
You both so pretty.
I could bawl.



My plan today was to share a more functional shot of my shawl, with the new ruffle. For some reason, though, the new ruffle looks an awful lot like the old one.

But it's not.
It's different.
It's better.

And I love it, so.

My other plan for today was to use my obsession with my new shawl to deflect from the real issue, which is that,on account of the testie that ate my magic marker,I have no knew knitting knuggets to share.

I know, this is going downhill muy rapido.

And it's bed time.
And med time.

So, just say it.

::If you already said it in response to one or both of the two previous posts on this shawl, (thank you!) you are under no obligation here. But you can still say it. Again. Of course. You know, like a positive role model for those who feel too shy to come forward. A big sister sorta thing. Yeah. See? It's an opportunity. To reach out.::

All right.
Say G'nite Gracie.

*Does that misplaced asterisk on compulsive bother anybody?

Labels: Knit Done, MEME, That Damn Test

Teresa tagged me for a MEME, as follows:

1. FLIP open a dictionary and point to a word.
2. Type the word into Google images.
3. PICK an image that strikes you.
4. Write a 10 line RIFF off the image.
5. Use the word or the meaning of the word at least once within the first 5 lines of your riff.
6. Tag 3 other bloggers on your list.

Like Teresa, I was a bit confused by the meaning of "Riff." According to Miriam-Webster it can mean A short, succinct, usually witty comment. So let the riffin' get stiffin'.

Every month, when the moon was full, the village elders anointed one eligible bachelor, to escort the sacred pig to the butcher, then assist in its eventual slaughter.

At the conclusion of this deed, the elgible designee was to bring the meat back to the village, where it would be barbequed and served that evening, at the courtship cotillion.

Days turned into weeks, as Clem and the pig futzed about the countryside,trampling generations of rich tradition. When Clem and his pork package had not returned by the next full moon, the elders had no recourse but to pass two new laws. The first law put the entire village on a strict vegan diet. The second mandated that all virgin daughters be given their dowries, and sent away, to live as they please.

Without virgins to marry, or meat to eat, the village people began to die off, or move away. The handful that remained, opened what is now a thriving bed and breakfast, with an adjoining bathhouse and Starbucks.

Futz was the word. Okay, I went over the 10 line spec. And yeah, the piece was neither succinct or clever. So, Pork Me.

And I tag, Sandy and JStrizzy and Gwyn.

Knuttin’ Honeys
I’ve finished the knit portion of the Branching Out scarf, and here it is, Branching Out to block.

Due to my off-balance, preoccupation with symmetry, I decided to knit the scarf in two pieces, which will soon be joined at the stitch.

In other knitting knews, the Vogue cardie is now fully blocked and awaiting final construction.

Knuts and Bolts
My personal and professional schedule over the past two weeks, has sucked some serious, un-pinkened ass. And while it always feels like I have a story or two, batting about my demented belfry, finding the time to actually pitch them, is another matter.

Maybe I can get to it, later this week. After I drive 2 hours, one-way, to pick up my son from college, just before I go to the grocery store, to shop for Thanksgiving dinner, just prior to baking some apple pies, and cleaning the house and fixing Thanksgiving dinner, and cleaning it up, and driving two hours, one-way, to bring my son back to college. Maybe after that.

Whatever doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger. Not lifting weights doesn’t kill me. Therefore, not lifting weights, makes me stronger. Jack Handey

Labels: MEME

Your Birthdate: November 14

You work well with others. That is, you're good at getting them to do work for you. It's true that you get by on your charm. But so what? You make people happy! You're dynamic, clever, and funny. And people like to have you around. But you're so restless, they better not expect you to stay around for long. Your strength: Your superstar charisma Your weakness: Commitment means nothing to you Your power color: Fuchsia Your power symbol: Diamond Your power month: May

I'm 47. And this time, I really mean it.
(Last year, I miscalculated. Stone cold sober).

But now I am off to work. Late.
Birthday MEME courtesy of Rabbitch.

Oh Yeah, Uncle P00t's farewell gig was pretty cool. And Yeah, I know I overused that cool word yesterday, by about 3 times. How un. I'd love to talk but I gotta run.

Labels: MEME

I'm worn out people. Flatter'n a pope cake.

What's a pope cake?
This is a pope cake:


A pancake that contains a picture of the pope. This pope cake was cooked up by some people here in Michigan.

They say it's a miracle. I say pass the Mrs. Butterworth.

I'm too tired to explain why I'm so tired. It's a big bunch of little things and a little bunch of big. I really just need a good night's sleep, or two. In the meantime, I ain't got two brain cells to rub together.

I have been doing some knitting. I've finished both front pieces of the cardigan.



I found this Meme over at Isela's. You google your name with the word "needs."

All Marcia needs is her scarecrow….
Marcia needs to be fired.
Marcia needs to grow up.
Marcia needs new shoes every 500 miles.
Marcia needs to die.
Marcia needs dick.....
Marcia needs to be slapped over the head with a fence post.
Marcia needs to shut the fuck up.

If Google said it, it must be true.

I'm outta here.

Labels: MEME, What the Hell and Oh Yea

In my last post, I presented a posse of potential post-pea-yach projects. Plus, I promised to preview another piece, in another post. For posterity.

Okay, maybe I didn't do all that in my last post. But I did make an inappropriate comment. Then I logged off my computer. Then I had myself a beer.

Anyway. Back to the future knitting plans, Part II.
The makings for The Next Big, Badly Knit Thing on my reality checklist, can be found in this here Bucket O' Cotton Ease. And, as you can see, I got me some (Not as much as some folks got, but people, this is not a competition.).

For those of you lucky enough to not be in the knatlist know, early in the summer, The List was foaming at the collective mouth, about Lion Brand discontinuing the Cotton Ease.

Since I'd never used the stuff, and also possess a healthy sense of perspective (i.e., it's fuckin' yarn, people.), I held no bitterness regarding this turn of events. Said sense of perspective includes the ability to recognize a good deal when I see one. So when I heard that Tuesday Morning* was selling it for 2.99 a skein, I cottoned up with ease.

And yeah, I did go to Tuesday Morning a couple times. A day. For a couple of days. ::You know what they say about cottonese. Twenty minutes later, you're hungry again.:: The first day of shopping took place during what I call my orange and yellow period. The second day was devoted to blue and green.

And when the Cakers saw this bin of sin, she immediately laid claim to my first day's pick, the orange and yellow. She then asked me me make her a sweater. Of course, I said yes. But not without taking a minute to assess the personal toll such an endeavor would take, against my own selfish knitting plans.

Fortunately, my higher mutha self smacked me down prevailed, and I set about to find the perfect pattern. And here it was, in a Miss Bea book:

I was so excited about this project, that I got right on It.

It didn't go well.

How so?

Well, let me explain. This is my brain:**



This is my brain on intarsia:



Questions?

It's probably been at least 10 years since I did intarsia. Either my memory is faulty, or that portion of my pea brain has gone to seed, but I just don't remember it being this bad.

Notice that I'm not showing a picture of the front of the piece. It was bad. It was ugly bad. So ugly, in fact, it wouldn't even frog. I had to take the scissors to it. In several parts.

Half way through the cottony carnage, I wondered what the hell I was doing trying to salvage this cheap-ass shit, in scraps and pieces, when I still had about 20 skeins of orange?

Thusly, I threw it away. Gone, but not forgotten.

Finding MEME. Oh.
Imbrium tagged me for a MEME, as follows:
1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five people to do the same.

I'm a strumpet for uncharted sterile venues and cutting edge lectures on flossing.

I have not been keeping track of who has already participated in this recent Scheme du Meme, so I'll just leave it out for the taking.

Benign Whine

Tomorrow we're going to the cottage, immediately after I get home from work. I'm putting up the usual stink. Of course. But secretly, I think it's a great idea and am actually looking forward to a weekend of sitting and knitting and drinking at the lake.

What really won me over. was the husband agreeing to do all the laundry and ensuring that The Cakers does not take an afternoon nap at daycare. Or one oyster fork will not suffice, for the three hour ride.

But lets just keep this between you and me and the 27 other faithful readers. In the meantime, I probably should go stomp around a bit, and practice the fine art of being put out at the imposition.

*I was at the cottage when the Cotton Dis-ease first infected The List. Looking for the nearest Tuesday Morning store, I googled. Ever tried googling Tuesday Morning with a small town?

**I just found out that my brain and a pea were twins, separated at birth. We recently enjoyed a bittersweet reunion, over a bowl of succotash.

Labels: Bag-O-Hair, MEME

For the record, it’s getting much harder to come up with original word plays on the MEME scheme. That being said, Her-Finely-Fur-Tailed Rabbitchness has thumped me for a MEME, and I’m happy to oblige.

Not that I don’t love me a good meme now and again, but the timing on this particular invitation is divine. ‘Cause I got lots going on,and can really use the Get-Out-of-a-Blog-Post-Free card.

Today’s Screming Memie is: Write down 5 of your own idiosyncrasies. ::When I asked my husband for input on this, his first response was “What's an idiosyncrasy?". After hearing an abbreviated definition, he says “Would that be something like you fixing dinner with a potato chip clip thingy, hanging from the end of your boob thingy?" Uh, no. That’s called A Terrible-Wonderful-Accident-in-the-Pantry-Thingy.::

1) I never finish any cup of coffee. At least one sip before refilling, I dump it. And I leave at least two sips in the cup, when I’m done for the day.

2) If someone says something that triggers a thought about a song, I must spontaneously sing that song, before the conversation can continue. For example, when a toddler of mine would ask to “get down” from the high chair, I’d have to sing (and dance) “Get down, get down….” My brother lived for a time in San Mateo, near the bay. While I was visiting him, we’d go for walks by the bay. He’d say “The tide is high…” and of course, I’d sing. Now, whenever someone says “The tide is high” around my brother, he bursts into Blondie. Then silently curses me.

Sometimes I burst into song after a triggering thought. This is most disturbing to my family. Just before Ana was born, we moved to a big, brick house. A few days after the dust settled, Cam had a friend over. They were eating breakfast and I was doing dishes nearby. As I looked out the front window of my new home, I had a sudden surge of joy,causing me to spontaneously belt out “She’s a brick... hah-owse," much to Cam's embarrassment, and his friend's awkward delight. I was hugely pregnant. Singing brick house, without warning. My boy still brings it up now and then.

The spontaneous song thing is a curse gift I inherited from me mom. We used to challenge her with topics. She always won. Of course, she was a country music buff, which I now understand gave her a considerable edge.

3) When I’m out walking for exercise, and a jogger passes me on the sidewalk, I hold my breath from when the jogger is two sidewalk squares in front of me, until what I guess to be two squares past. I live in a pedestrian community. By that, I mean there are lots of walkers and joggers. One day, what appeared to be a jogging club of some 15-odd people, jogged past me. Slowly. I nearly passed out.

And if someone jogs upon me from behind, I must hold my breath until they are at least three sidewalk squares in front of me. The last time I was out walking, a woman passed me from behind and as I held my breath and counted sidewalk squares, I noticed that her butt crack was eating her shorts and I started laughing, and therefore breathing before the allotted square. I think I might have cured myself.

4) I will continuously edit, revise and/or rewrite a report or document until it’s time to turn it in, regardless of whether or not it is done to apparent perfection. To me, there is always a better word or a better way to turn a phrase or perhaps a vital piece of information unintentionally omitted. Because of this, I cannot complete reports much before the due date. In my line of work, I can't turn in the report until it's been discussed at a meeting, so there's no turning it in early.

It takes me at least 6 attempts to write an acceptable post-it note, to attach to a document. I obsess on wording and spelling and legibility. A scratch-out is an automatic do-over.

5) When nervous or preoccupied or trying to focus, I flick my thumb and my fingers, as though I’m silently counting on them. At important meetings, I do it under the table.

.
Well, that’s it for today. It seems that this meme has been around the block and since I haven’t been keeping up with my blog reads, I think I’ll pass on passing it on to five people, except for Kim. Otherwise you are hereby invited to Meme yourself.

And speaking of Kim, check out the gorgeous stuff she did on commission for Norma. (towards the bottom of the August 12 post). Yummaroni.

I should have a Knuttin' But Knit post real soon. I have much on my mind these days. It's hard to get stuff out, when I'm in this mode.

Today's ponder: Why does Blogger spellcheck not recognize the word "blog?"

Labels: MEME

Over the past week or so, I have been the picture of efficacy. Between mastering the Blaze pattern and getting totally caught up on report writing at work (unheard of, for this time of year, in the school setting), I be one Efficating Mutha.

At least that’s what it looks like from the outside. But on the inside, I’ve got some seriously demented, psycho-babblin'going on. And it’s all about the Graduation Party, aka The Graduation Open House,aka The Ritualistic Whoring of a Whousehold.

Oy. It’s too complicated to get into right now. But I will share that there are balls in my tale of woe.

Big Balls.
Blue Balls.
Big Blue Balls, that I could not let be....

But I can’t get into that, right now.

::I almost did, though. Did you see that? I almost did get into that, now. Damn.::.

Let's just say that I spent the better part of a week of Sundays, working on the invitation portion of the Open House Agenda, with not a damn thing to show for it.

Memewhile.....
I was tagged for this book Meme, by Laurie, way back,last week.

Q: You’re stuck inside Fahrenheit 451, which book do you want to be?

The Mists of Avalon by Marion Bradley Zimmer. It’s one of my all time favorites. And it's got just about everything you could want in a book: Historical facts, historical creativity, war, primal sex, prudish sex, magic, feminism, masculinism, homosexuality, heterosexuality, Three's a Crowd sexuality, incest, religious persecution, unconditional love, unmitigated hatred, survival of the human spirit and a lady in a lake. Armed.

.Q. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?

No one comes to mind, but I’ve read me a butt load of books in my lifetime. If I had to name a guy, like, to save my life, or something, I’d say the Lord of Penmar. ::Was he the short guy? Built like a fireplug?::

Q. The last book you bought:

Hot Knits by Melissa Leapman.

Last “real” book? Maybe The Bone People, by Keri Hulmes.

Q. The last book you read:

The Heart is a Lonely Hunter, Carson McCullers. I was intrigued with this book, until about 2/3 through when it started to feel like a character circus free-for-all.

Q.Five books you would take to a desert island:

1.The Dollmaker, by Harriet Arnow. Because you can actually smell her writing.
2. Shel Silverstein's A Light in the Attic.
3. The Great Life Photographers, because with a book of great photos, the story possibilities are endless.
4. A really fat, thick, juicy, thesaurus. Because if you have a book that contains all the word relationships in the whole, wide world,the story possibilities are endless.
5. An anthology of short stories.

I'm not able to tag anyone for this meme,at this time. This is partly because I haven't been around the blogs all week, so do not know who's Meming whom.

And mostly because....Dude,I'm tired.

Maybe tomorrow. k?

Labels: MEME

From the Wattam-Eye-Chopped-Liverace? File
I have arrived, my friends. Teresa has tagged me (yes, this me, the very one) to participate in the music meme. You’d think after two weeks of drooling at the bottom of approximately 15,000 tagged knitblogs (yes, that green slime was de moi), I’d have something ready, but I guess that would be like the Punch Bowl server shaving her legs on prom night.

So, without further adieu...

1.Total amount of music files on computer:
Ummm...I don't know because I can't find them. I had free AOL Music download for a month and don’t know where they, uh, downloaded to. I do remember being thrilled at finding Todd Rundgren's “Parallel Lives.”

2. Last CD you bought: Old Crow Medicine Show and Snoop Dogg.

3.Last song you listened to before reading this message: (Rock me mama, like a) “Wagon Wheel,” Old Crow Medicine Show.

4. Five songs that mean a lot to you: Peter Gabriel, “In Your Eyes,” Van Morrison, “Into the Mystic” , Jackson 5 “I’ll Be There”, Everything But the Girl, “Missing,” Counting Crows- “Anna Begins”

5. Three people to whom this will be passed on…. No one. I think this one’s been played out.

Extreme Meme Theme
Yeppers, another one. From La.

1. Do you knit continental or English? English. But here’s a weird thing…My mom learned to knit in high school. After getting married, she quit knitting and took up breast feeding. A few months ago, she decided to take it up again (knitting, not breast feeding) and called me for some beginneresque advice.

Through the course of our discussion, my mom said “Well, I learned to knit the wrong way, from my home ec. teacher, who was from Germany. People would always tell me I was knitting wrong, so it kind of took the fun out of it."

So, I’ve been knitting the dorky English method for 18 years, having no idea my own mother is a dyed in the wool continental. I told her that her method is coveted by many of us English dorks, who have been unable to switch brain paths. She didn’t believe me.

::See how I am? I can’t even complete a simple questionnaire without blathering….::

2. How long ago did you learn to knit? My Dutch Granny taught me when I was about 10, but boy, was that ugly. After knitting The Incredible Widening Scarf, I quit knitting until 1987, when a friend at work re-taught me.

After about 3 months on the needles, I was teaching that same friend how to do cables and color work. I knit 13 sweaters in one year. I would stay up until 2 am to perform some butt ugly finishing on a piece I would proudly wear to work a few hours later. Without the distraction of the internet or a happy marriage (I was still married to the first guy) I guess I had lots of time on my hands. ::Okay, I think I figured out why I've not been meme tagged 'til now. Because I can't just answer a frickin' question without a life story. I've turned into my mother. ::

5. First FO? Officially, probably that scarf. My first official garment was a two piece, capped sleeve type t-shirt sweater. It fit me like a dream. I wore it to death.

6. Favorite yarn? Alpaca blends.

7. Favorite pattern? The Diamond Lace shawl pattern from the Lion Brand site.

8. Favorite pattern source? Knitty, Vogue Knitting, Interweave Knits. Both Rowan’s “A Season’s Tale” and “A Treasury of Knits” have reserved spots in my WIP future.

9. Favorite needles? My Denise’s, definitely. But two years ago, I would’ve called you a “lyin’ ass ho” and spit in yo eye if you would’ve tried telling me this would be true, today. I used to never, ever knit on plastic, and used circs only for collars. Before Denise, my favs were Ebony.

10. Nicest thing you’ve ever knit? Hard to say, mostly because I haven’t knit, er, finished that many nice things. I guess the Aran for the Cakers is up there. Must Have Cardie…the Diamond Shawl. I can’t pick.

11. Most hated project? Easy. The garter square afghan. I don’t know what was worse, the miles and miles of garter stitch, or the hours and hours to months and months of my husband’s whining for his blankie.

12. Who are you going to pass this on to? Heather because she’s funny and I think she needs a little more attention. Go find her post on stealing a smoke while at a swim meet, between heats, in her swimsuit.. Kim, because she’s a dear and she’s busy and maybe can use a quick-n-dirty post topic and because I fear she will soon run out of cool photos to post. And Bron, because we started out on this blog journey together and she knits like a rabbit in heat. Well, rabbits don't knit, but I think you know what I'm thumping about. And I’m sorry if this is a repeat upon any of y’all. I have the attention span of a flea, on a rabbit in heat.

Another World
I’m posting this from the cottage, in great Northern Michigan, where we’re enjoying a four day weekend. Eric has some work to do, but Sunday we’re hoping to hit the slopes. The cottage is about 15 minutes from this place, where I'll ski, my husband will "shred" and The Cakers is enrolled in “Adventure Cubs” for the afternoon.

I haven’t skied since I was about 2 days preggers with the Cakers, ::Toomuchinformationahead Warning::who was a little goodbye present from my husband, as I headed off for a girl’s weekend. Anyway, I received a new ski jacket this past Christmas, and Thursday evening, I realized I don’t have a matching hat.

So, I found a pile of yarn and a cool, free pattern on line, and went to town. Unfortunately, I left my camera at home, so no pictures ‘til Tuesday. But I am using the exact same yarn as is in the pattern picture. The pattern is fun, but it’s not recommended for intense, “get it done” quick knitting. I have the beginnings of a blister on a finger and my hands ache.

Hopefully, I’ll get to that Blaze sleeve any day, now. Regardless, posting may be sparse for the rest of the weekend. But if you're new, or having been here in a while, you got plenty reading here, to keep you occupied.

And I feel like I’m gimp posting without my photo op.

Have great weekends, all.

Labels: Cottage, MEME

Keeping Abreast
I don't know where to start.

I've read that our poor tiny earth continues to vibrate in response to the recent, massive earthquake. I'm wondering if all this subliminal wiggling is taking a psychic toll on my home collection of beasts and children.

At 4 a.m. this morning The Cakers woke up, ready to greet her day in the usual way: Watching toonies in bed with daddy.

She didn't take the rejection well.

And bless my husband's fineassed soul for being the first responder to our little nocturnal emission. But sometimes that sweet man-o-mine is just a little too sweet.

At four in the morning, you don't open a can of delicate negotiation when dealing with a toddler. At four in the morning, ya need a can of whoopass. Of da momma variety.

Outta my way, I snarled past my bewildered, beboxered hunk.

Momentarily silent, The Cakers tried to stare me down.

It’s bed time. Lay down.

No.

I’m going to turn off your night light and shut the door. Let me know when you're ready to lay down and be quiet.

After 30 seconds of wailing, the sweet plea was heard and peace prevailed.

Back in bed, just moments after I fell back to sleep, I woke to the sound of Bella the Cat plucking her way across our box spring, downunder. This was followed with a quick "pluck around the world” along the box spring parameter, just before she jumped on my head to poke her nose in my nostril and breathe me deep.

After I got the plucky little furbitch settled ,The Man Who Lives in Cheddar’s Mouth* started up with the Babylonian baloney. Evidently the The Man Who Lives in Cheddar’s Mouth chattered to Cheddar that if he licked his empty ball sockets for 17 consecutive hours, his balls would grow back.

Evidently Cheddar believed him. Starting...now.

The subsequent hushing of the dog and entourage woke up the Bella, who required a couple sips from my left nostril before going back to sleep.

Clock says 5:15.
I say fuck.
30 minutes to liftoff.

Once up and showered, I was faced with the task of finding an appropriate costume outfit into which I could handily stuff my ever burgeoning breastial units.

Seriously. It's a daily enterprise. My D cups are now D lids. And I’m running out of things to wear. If I go slightly loose and drapey, I look, well, slightly loose and drapey. Like a cute little training tent from L'Ecole d'Omar.

Form fitting looks best these days, but then I feel like I’m bringing the kids to school for show and tell.

Today I went with a tight, black v-neck sweater and flouncy skirt.

Show and Tell meets Booby Tuesday.

Goodbye Booby Tuesday
I could hang a coat on you.
Seems you grow with every new day.
Are they real, or tissue?

Tuesday's Child is Full of MEME
I found this over at the Queens of MEME. While there, I was also able to preview my recent comment contest winnings (item 2, I presume?), the arrival of which I eagerly await. And yes La, it does pay to be a smart ass. And I suspect we have both earned a good wage over the years.

THREE NAMES I GO BY:
1. Marcia
2. Marcy
3. Mom

THREE SCREEN NAMES I HAVE HAD:
1. GumInHerHair
2. RubbitsTummy
3. DeadSeaSquirrels

THREE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MYSELF:
1. Humor
2. I smell dead people
3. Good instincts

THREE THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT MYSELF:
1. Disorganized
2. Easily suspicious
3. That my boobs won't stop growing

THREE PARTS OF MY HERITAGE:
1. Dutch
2. Irish
3. Pig Latinese

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
1. Spiders
2. Mothers of spiders
3. Passing semis on the freeway

THREE OF MY EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Knitting
2. Eyebrow tweeze time
3. Coffee

THREE THINGS I AM WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Sweet Honesty
2. Smartass grin
3. Minimally effective minimizer Bra

THREE OF MY FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS (at the moment):
1. Van Morrison
2. REM
3. Counting Crows

THREE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS (at the moment):
1. Into The Mystic - Van Morrison
2. Under Pressure - Queen and David Bowie
3. Drop it Like its Hot-Snoop Dogg

THREE NEW THINGS I WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS::
1. To finish a sweater, and like it.
2. Not be such a loner
3. Gourmet cooking class.

THREE THINGS I WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Trust
2. Reciprocation
3. Foreplay. Lotsa.

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1. I redated and subsequently dumped every longterm bf who dumped me.
2. First Lady Betty Ford came to my high school graduation, apparently intoxicated.
3. I love watermelon.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO ME:
1. Left Butt cheek
2. Right Butt cheek
3. Smile

THREE THINGS I JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Go to bed on time
2. Stop worrying that I have OCD
3. Get the laundry done.

THREE OF MY FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Knitting
2. Reading
3. Skiing

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Have a week all to myself.
2. Lose 15 pounds.
3. Tweeze my eyebrows (I lost my favorite tweeze and can't stop touching 'em)

THREE CAREERS I'M CONSIDERING:
1. Crossing guard
2. Hoochy Coochy girl
3. Queen

THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Cornwall
2. Paris
3. Bahamas

THREE KID'S NAMES:
1. Duncan
2. Jackie
3. Ivy

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Learn to play the piano
2. Visit Stonehendge
3. Figure out if you're trying to tell me something here.

THREE WAYS I AM STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I leave laundry on the floor, next to both hampers.
2. Preoccupation with my large breasts
3. Not a big snuggler.

THREE WAYS I AM STEREOTYPICALLY A CHICK:
1. Love to cook.
2. Analyze things to death
3. Total athletic klutz

THREE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. Andy Garcia
2. John Cusack
3. Usher

*Sometimes at night, a noise emits from Cheddars mouth that sounds exactly like a little man speaking a foreign language. It's both frightening and uncanny.

Labels: Bitchmom Screampants, Boobs and Pee and Poo, From My Loins, Fur, MEME, The Man Who Lives in Cheddar's Mouth, With Grace My Ass

Nothing But the Meme, Ma'am
This MEME went around a few weeks/months ago. Not only interesting, it also makes a handy dandy blog filler, on a fuzzy, fine morn.

Meanwhile, she works on a real post, sort of.

A - Age: 45.
B - Band listening to right now: Johnny Cash.
C - Future Career: Weird lady picking up stones on the shores of Lake Michigan.
D - Dad's name: John Sidney.
E - Easiest person to talk to: Husband.
F - Favorite song: (This is hard) In Your Eyes, Peter Gabriel
G - Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: Whatever Gummy comes in 4 mg nicotine.
H - Hometown: Grand Rapids, Michigan
I - Instruments: Dull edged wit? Kicked some recorder ass in 6th grade and still remember guitar chords for Streets of Laredo. ::It's G C G D G.....::
J - Job: School Social Worker
K - Kids: Cameron (17), Ana (2.9)
L - Longest car ride ever: To the church for my first wedding.
M - Mom's name: Celia
N - Number of people you’ve slept with: Define "slept."
P - Phobia: Opening the sani-wipe package at KFC with honey bbq sticky fingers.
Q - Quote: "What doesn't kill you, makes you throw up."
R - Reason to smile: Pink Panther (and an 8 pack of AA's)
S - Song you sang last: You Are My Sunshine
T - Time you wake up: 5:30am employment season, otherwise, the Caker decides.
U - Unknown fact about me: I can touch my nose with my tongue, with arc to spare.
V - Vegetable you hate: Corned Beef Hash
W - Worst habit: Homicidal fantasies. Chewing my cuticles and related flesh until it resembles fresh ground Jimmy Dean.
X - X-rays you've had: Broken elbow, sustained during a fall while jogging. Some people thought the injury was a result of (ex) spousal abuse. I was appalled and insulted at the innuendo. One year later, I filed for divorce after sustaining significant spouse induced injuries. ::If only x-rays could see through the future.::
Y - Yummy food: Steak au poivre. Pesto Pasta (with pepper and peas, please). Sugar snap peas, au naturelle.
Z - Zodiac sign: Scorpio, with three houses in Scorp as well. All houses are filthy mess.

Shawl is a few (long-ass) rows from completion. Final shots coming soon.

Happy Monday/Tuesday.

Labels: MEME

Lady Chat Away's Livre
If you've come here for more enlightened insights on garter squares, you'll be disappointed. I'm thinking I won't be reaching my garter groove until square 26 or 27, so please be patient.

Kerstin and J Strizzy have both posted a MEME (what the hell is a MEME?) where you highlight books you've read from a list of literature classics.

I'm not going to post that MEME (anyone?) right now, but I am going to chat a bit about books. You see, I've been thinking about reading one. And it kind of scares me because....Hello, my name is Marcia and I'm a bookaholic. It's been one year since I read a book.

I'm not much of a social reader. You might notice that I never post about books. There's no book list on my sidebar. I don't belong to any read-alongs or book clubs. No, social reading is a litte too refined for me.

I'm your basic, hard core, compulsive, binge reader. And I prefer to read alone. Back in the glory days, I could start my day with a little read, and keep going until I passed out on the couch, in the wee hours of the morn.

I've sneaked reads in the basement while "doing" laundry. I've sneak-peeked a book in my desk drawer at work. I've pretended to read on the can, while nestled in a dry bathtub, amidst a pile of cushy towels. I've stayed up until 3am on a work night to finish a book. Of course I'd wake up with the dreaded harangueover(dark circles, headache, bloodshot eyes, odd twitch, faraway look) for which there is no releaf.

Like Kerstin, I can't limit my reading to a 15-20 minute bedtime wind down. I read with wild abandon. I live the lives, smell the smells and bruise the wounds of each story's characters.

When I'm reading,my domestic world goes to hell. Children starve, dogs fatten, wounds fester and husbands stray. If I can be compelled to put a book down (ex: bloodcurdling screams, outside of my head) I will continue to obsess think about the book's storyline/characters, as indicated by my vacant, detached affect, change in dialect and willingness to serve Pop-Tart nachos for dinner (Cheddar cheese on the apple/cinnamon? Not too shabby).

The first summer I was employed with the school district, I went a little nuts. After going through Barnes Enable's recommended summer read list, well before Summer Solstice, I was in a hurry for my next fix. Hmmm....Ann Rice? Naw, I'm not interested in that vampire crap. Well, okay, maybe just one. I read the Vampire Chronicles in under a week, and capped off said week with The Mayfair Witch series.

I can read the average size book in a day and some books I've read in a long afternoon (ex: The Reader, Bernard Schlink. Thumbs up, btw). If it takes me a week to finish a book, I probably don't like it much and will likely not finish it. The exceptions to that rule were Smilla's Sense of Snow, (Peter Hoag), Shogun (James Clavell) and The Far Pavillions (MM Kaye).

Reading Trivia about Yours Truly
First Hardcore Chapter Binge (7th grade):
From the Mixed up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, EL Konisburg

Books that made me laugh:
Turtle Moon-Alice Hoffman
The World According to Garp, John Irving
Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, Rebecca Wells

Books that made me cry: (a sampling)
Cold Mountain, Charles Frazier
The Dollmaker, Harriet Arnow
Beloved, Tony Morrison

Books that Made me Faint: (true story)
Hannibal, Thomas Harris

Favorite John Grisham Book:
The Painted House

Most Read-from Genre:
Gothic Romance. When I was in middle school I read every Victoria Holt and Phyllis Whitney book I could find. Penmarric by Susan Howatch was a goody too.

Books That Made Me Want to Get it on With a Female Lizard
West of Eden, Harry Harrison

Books that Made Me Say "Tak-a-lak" and "Candy-lak" for an Entire Summer:
Desperation, Stephen King

Books that Fell Short of the Hype:
The Man who Ate the 747, Ben Sherwood
Plainsong, Kent Haruf
Here on Earth, Alice Hoffman

* Some All Time Favorites: (no specific order and just a sampling)
Bellefleur, Joyce Carol Oates
The Dollmaker, Harriet Arnow
The Temple of My Familiar, Alice Walker
Pillars of the Earth, Ken Follett
The Mists of Avalon, Marion Zimmer Bradley
The Shell Seekers, Rosamond Pilcher
The Joy Luck Club, Amy Tan
Beloved, Toni Morrison

*Truthfully, I can't remember many of the books I've read. I've actually bought books I'd already read and forgotten, until I started reading it again.

There you have it. My literary world is now an open book.

With a week at the lake coming up, I'm looking to venture once more into the pages of a summer fantasy. Any suggestions? (I promise, I'll read responsibly.)

Labels: MEME