••• Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Waking Up All WTF-y 

I own shirts with a tighter squeeze.-Cabana's comment to College Boy, just moments after the busboy at Red Lobster attempted the Heimlich manuever on Cabana, even though he wasn't really choking like that.

What a night of laughs that was.

But today, we're all kinds of random.

Wednesday's Child is Full of Boog
Cakers is sick. It seems that her upper respiratories are throwing some kind of goober fest. She has a cough that sounds like a bullfrog, and her breathing sounds like puppy growl. Last night, when I checked on her before I went to bed, the growling stopped, and I thought she had stopped breathing. A few seconds later, I realized she had been breathing all along, but just the growling had stopped.

Even though I went to bed knowing she was okay, those few seconds of fear stuck with me in my sleep, and I woke up every couple hours, after strange dreams of coughing frogs and growling dogs and Cakers crying for me from a room I couldn't find.

So I'm tired.

Yesterday, the self-Unemployed Cabana was reconstituted into a self-employed man. This is a good day. To commemorate, I took a sick day to look after the Cakers.
I did drive to the office to pick up some stuff to work on at home. However, with only 3 hours of sleep under my pillow, I fear for the quality of anything I touched today.

7 Thangs
Way back, Kelli called on me for the 7 things meme. I really struggled with this one, this time. It's like I ran out of goofy.

But here it goes anyway:

1) By the time I was in 7th grade, I had read the V word, but had never heard it pronounced ::Even now, I struggle with merely uttering its spelling upon a keyboard.::

I read it as Vageena.

In my gym class was a girl from South Carolina. She was really sweet, with a great accent and an almost perfectly linked uni-brow. Her name was Regina, which I then believed to rhyme with Vagina.

I was a developmentally disturbed 7th grader, so of course I never looked her in the eye again. I finally confessed what I thought was the coup de snark of the year, to my best bud Alice. Once she stopped laughing for the third time, she corrected my faulty pronunciation and proceeded to tease me about it for the next six years.

2) When I was in 7th grade, still, while sitting in Mr. Casper's 4th hour science class and wearing a handknit poncho, I swallowed a quarter. I remember putting the quarter between my teeth, just as my friend Guyann Ryder performed her famous impression of the Waffle Wiffer. Of course I laughed, and it was down the hatch with George. I didn't choke, but I do remember that it didn't go all the way down for a few hours.

Of course I was sent home. My recently widowed mother was pretty pissed. But not nearly as pissed as my recently half-orphaned brother, who had just returned home from the front lines of Viet Nam to help my mom take care of, well, me.

And that he did.

Anyhoo. My mom called the doctor, who told her to tell me to poke at my poop every day, to make sure it passed. If it didn't pass, I'd have to come in for a procedure.

Poke my poop, my ass.

I said I saw it.
But I lied.
For all I know, it's still in there.

3) Over 25 years ago, when the victim advocacy movement was in its toddlerhood, I was a volunteer counselor for the local Rape Crisis Team. It was one of the most powerful experiences of my life, and pretty much set me on my current, professional course.

4) My husband is the only man who has ever been allowed to snuggle me while I sleep.

5) I went to a Phish concert once. I wore khakis and a purple wool blazer and carried a leather purse.

I was not much impressed.
I'm sure the feeling was mutual.

6) I had my first boyfriend in the 4th grade. His name was Steve and he had clodhopper feet and a great sense of humor and loved to carry me around the playground at recess. Steve was one of three kids from my 6th grade class, who committed suicide before the age of 25.

7) I made my first pun at the age of 8, by renaming of a Disney Classic: Snow White and the Seven Drifts. I know. I should have quit when I was ahead.

I'm Out of My Heading, With Fatigue.

Edit: I reloaded the asswatch picture. It was only showing up half the time. It's not like he needs a watch or anything.

Edit: Ass begone!

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