Meet Tater.
Tater the Mater.

Cabana planted tomatoes this year, his first hand at productive gardening. Tater is one of the first off the vine, and we are very happy to have him.

Looks like the feeling is mutual.

We're back at the cottage. Cabana is almost done with this current job and has a little down time while awaiting further instruction from corporate entities.

And the timing almost couldn't be better ::his being totally done with the job would be best::, because this weekend we're hosting a giant slumber party at the cottage, for my side of the family.

It's the third year we've done it and it's one of our favorite summer events. And for the purpose of easy entertaining, you can't beat a picnic at the lake. All you gotta do is put out some food, drink, flush vouchers, kayaks and assorted floatation devices and the party pretty much throws itself.

Between the dial-up and company and frantic efforts to retract last week's plea for rain, my presence over the next couple of days will be scarce.

Labels: eye candy Friday

I can't believe what I haven't done with my time.

There are so many things I wanted to do.
And I just don't know where it all goes.
The time.

Well, I do sort of know where it goes. Being a mom and wife and laundress extraordinaire isn't like falling off a keg.

But still, it seems that when it comes to summer hopes and dreams, my mind's eye is bigger than its stomach.

Someone Left the Cakers in the Rain
Last weekend, after a Cakers-induced, chain-reaction family meltdown of near nuclear proportions, we decided to make all our little worlds each a little smaller, with an impromptu weekend at the cottage.

My in-laws were already up there, which always makes the impromtu-weekend-grab a little easier. They, of course, were thrilled to have us. Melted Down Cakers notwithstanding.

Anyway.

The Mind's Eye Goes Dry. You Know, Like the Sahara.
In keeping with the Eyes Bigger Than Reality theme, I had high hopes of finishing Sahara while I was up there. So high were these hopes, that I packed another project to start up at Sahara's conclusion.

As so often happens with hopes on high, my Sahara hopes were left high and dry.

I blame it all on the short row, from here on known as The Rut-Row.

The Sahara pattern calls for a series of five Rut Rows in a row, front and back.

Now, I have successfully completed a Rut Row. Maybe even two. But not all at the same time. In reality, wrangling five wrapped Rut Rows, all in a row, was a little rich for my rudimentary repertoire of cognitive resources.

"Rut-Row," she said, "It looks like a sphincter, come unraveled."

An unraveled sphincter, unrivaled in its ribald wretchedness.
Really.

So I ripped the Rut Rows.

After the fluffy-sphincters were ripped, I tried it again, this time with instruction manual in hand. Round two of Rut-Rows turned out better. Good, even. That is, until I made one little mistake in one little stitch. A mistake which could not be undone and redone, on account of me not knowing exactly how to undo and redo an already picked up Rut Row wrap.

Rut-Row.

One teeny tiny stitch and a touch of inepitude, brought the whole damn thing down. Again.

Rut Row Round 3 was pretty much right, although now that it's off the needles, one side looks a little assish, but I'm not sweating it. 'Cause there's nothing much worse than sweaty ass on a summer sweater.

So I finished the bottom edge and cast off.



Here's a close-up on the edging:



I don't know what the deal is with that one row of stitches looking the other way, but I just noticed it in the picture. Bah.

After casting off, I tried her on and I think she's going to be a keeper. I may have to make a long-sleeved version for fall.

::Speaking of "I just noticed it in the picture", at the cottage I took some shots of Cakers doing cartwheels on the beach. In a dress. Commando. I had no idea she was traveling so light and breezy until I uploaded the pictures and came across the one shot of her sticking a solidly squat landing. Facing the camera. It was quite the giggle snorter.::

Next on the Fucket Up Docket: Capped sleeves. With Rut Row shaping.

I have more stuff on my mind but there seems to be little time for little minds these days. That may be a good thing.

Labels: Bag-O-Hair, Bitchmom Screampants, If Knitting You is Wrong I Don't Want to Be Right, My Daughter Scares Me, Now You're Whining

And rain.



I'm just asking for one day.
One nice, long, chilly, rainy, summer afternoon.
With my girl.
All cozied on the couch.
And away from the fray,
Of children,
Who steal her away,
Every day.
And who,
So rudely,
Never return her
In the condition they found her.
So sweet.
And clean.
And obedient.
And much less beatable.*

On a Sort of Ironic Note**
Presenta Sahara:


Sofara, Sogooda.

So, good nighta.

*Of course I don't. It's just a poemy thangy. But she has being play rope on my last nerve. And it doesn't help that I have some kind of emotional funk shui going on right now.

**Sahara is going well, and we haven't had any rain, and Sahara is a desert, where it doesn't rain.***

***Sorry. Blame it on the rain. Hee.

P.S. Anybody else get hooked on the World Series of Pop Culture? Go Twisted Misters! I see an Alltel commercial in your future...

Labels: I Need Therapy Thursday, Knit In Progress

I no dust Buster any more. - Lupe the Housekeeper, Arrested Development.

Way back in June, you may remember I was going to block a sweater. Ariann.

But I didn't.

Because...Before I could block the sweater I had to vacuum my bedroom floor.

But before I could vacuum the floor, I had to dust.

Before I could dust, I needed to clear off the bureau.

While putting away the stuff from the bureau, I noticed my closet needed cleaning.

While cleaning the closet, I started a charity pile, which ended up on the bedroom floor. So I couldn't vacuum.

And then we went to the cottage.

And then we came home.

And then it was time to block the sweater.

But before I could block the sweater, I had to vacuum the bedroom floor.

And before I could vacuum the bedroom floor, I had to...

Clean my purse.


I come from a short line of messy-weirdly-contented purse clutchers.

For example, while we were sitting in the bleachers at my son's high school graduation, waiting for commencement to commence, my mother pulled a small zip lock bag of melted butter from her purse and held it up, all excited.

Apparently she had spent the better part of that morning looking for that butter. She thought she was going crazy. So finding the bag of butter in her purse meant that she wasn't going crazy after all. I know I felt better. As I'm sure did the fellow members of my community who were privy to our joy of newfound family sanity.

Anyway.

Results of the purge:



Itemized list of contents:

1 wallet

1 Cell phone

2 Prescription medications that are supposed to help me keep my purse clean.

6 Tampons of assorted suckage

2 Library cards.

10 Lipsticks

4.5 Pairs of earrings.

1 Cover stick.

9 Pens.

1 Bruce Springsteen concert ticket stub from June, 2006.

1 Disposable lens cloth, well dried in the packet.

2 Packs of contact lens, right eye only.

4 Over the counter bladder wack pills.

5 Grocery store receipts, one of which was wrapped around a wad of gum.

1 Burger King coupon, expired in December, 2006.

2 Clinique blushers.

1 Large make-up brush.

1 Large Ass button with ink spots.

3 Hair implements.

1 Package Cinnamon Listerine breath paper thingies.

1 Very Smushed South Beach protein bar.

5 Petrified sunflower seeds. ::Wouldn't you'd be scared too?::

3 Christmas-themed candy corns

1 Used band-aid

$4.59 in change.

Momma's Got a Brand New Bag



Of course, now my house is cluttered with tampons and ink pens and lipsticks.

I also cleaned out my knitting bag, but I was too embarrassed to share that.

Once my purse was clean, I was free to perform all the afore-mentioned pre-sweater-blocking rituals.

And a sweater was born.



Button close-up.



The pattern calls for larger buttons, but my messed up button holes do not. Besides, I really loved those buttons and they didn't come in large.

The blocking did give me a bit more boobease, but not enough. I think it'll be fine worn open with a crochet chain belt.

Effin' O Stats:

Pattern: ChicKnits Ariann

Yarn: Berroco Cotton Twist

Size: 38

Comments: Fun pattern. Well written. Of course. At one point there was a dizzying amount of stitch comings and goings to keep track of, but if I can do it, anybody can. I'd definitely make this one again, but in a size larger.

Also, I'm thinking of adding a couple of inches to the collar.

For the Want of a Towel
I had wanted to model the final version of Ariann for your viewing pleasure, but to do it right, I need to get a little gussied up.

Before I could gussy up, I needed to take a shower.
Before I could take a shower, I needed a clean towel.
Before I could do the laundry, I needed to...

...Know: What's in your purse?

P.S. The weirdest thing I ever found at the bottom of my purse was a dried up barbequed rib.

Labels: Boobs and Pee and Poo, Is That a Banana in Your Purse?, Knit Done, The Boss, Tree From Where I Fell

May your day be splattered with tiny satisfactions.

Labels: eye candy Friday

I finished Mondo when we were at the cottage:



Despite changing the pattern from trapeze style to shaped, it still came out a bit bulky for my frame, at least when worn as a tank top. It does look cute as a vest, over a white blouse, which is how I'll wear it this fall, with khakis.

This is my third knit tank top in as many years, and no offense to any designers, but I've decided that bulky knit tanks are not for me. I think it's the boobs-as-plumb issue. But it will make a cute vest, as has my pink ribbie shell from last year.

Pattern: Mondo, from Chicknits.

Yarn: Gedifra, Aragona.

Size: Small.

Adaptations: I shaped it instead of trapezing it.

Comments: Bonne Marie rocks. Again. It was a quick knit, minus this writer's asstardedness, which required the ripping out and reknitting of a nearly finished front.

Cast-ons Who Can't Commit and The Women Who Loathe Them
I had planned on starting up Sahara right after Mondo. But didn't. In fact, my knit bag was still packed with Sahara fixings from the previous trip north.

After I finished Mondo I didn't knit for several days. Instead, I Sudokued. Every day. Until my eyes bled. I realize I'm a little late to this puzzle party. In retrospect, I suspect it wasn't so much love as it was a nice little excuse of a distraction from the inevitability of facing this:



Yeah. I did it. Courtesy of the tutorial from the fine people at Knitting at Knoon. ::Best Knooner ever.::

::Okay. Second best. Love ya honey!::

Wendy, the designer of the pattern, had offered me another provisional cast-on option, after reading about my cast-on issues in an earlier blog post. Her idea was intriguing and sounded easy enough. It involved casting on to an extra circ needle and leaving it attached.

Ease and intrigue notwithstanding, after a couple knuckle grinding attempts at this method, I now know that one can not master a new skill on admiration alone.

Apparently I possess Provisional Intelligence. ::Ya think?:: So frightened I was by my own stupidity, with crochet hook and needle in hand, I revisited Knitting at Knoon and quickly found myself gellin' like a felon.

I've never knit a pattern like this before, where you start the back and the front from the initial cast-on edge. Brilliant. Really. I just really need to pay attention, because things are kind of upside down from what I'm used to. For instance, what I was supposing to be the right front was actually the left front, but because I wasn't really sure what I was looking at, I made the right front shapings as the left front shapings, and visa versa.

And then there are these M1R and M1L thingies, which, much to my surprise and disappointment, have little to do with the left front or right front and actually have their own purpose of directionality, independent of what side you're working.

::Thus is the life of The Provisionally Intelligent. We laugh. We cry. We wish to pluck out our eyeballs with oyster forks, but instead stop to ponder "Why do oysters need forks? Do oysters have utensil drawers? Their shells are so tiny. Where do they keep them? Should I have the red Jujube or the yellow.?::

Long story short: I had to rip back a few six inches of both sides, and start the front anew.



On the do-over, instead of working both front straps at the same time, I'm only doing one at a time. This way I can really focus on the fucking up. I mean, what's the pleasure of being an idiot if you're all random and shit?

Anyway. So far, so good. Knock on Oyster Shell.

Time Flies Like an Arrow. Fruit Flies Like a Banana.
I seem to have very little time to myself these days, thus the dearth in communication, both bloggic and private.

Not that I don't have things to say. I do.

I just wish I had more time to say them. But I don't.

I think my brain needs a gin and colonic.

Labels: Bag-O-Hair, Knit Done, Knit In Progress, The Casting On Couch

We're back, again, from the cottage. I'm currently working under the pleasurable peaceful house-work-promoting conditions of a Cakers-Free home. This is a time-limited opportunity, therefore, no way should I be spending even a kitten sneeze of a moment of this precious commodity, blogging.

That Being Said...Today's Eye Candy



Egg Candy


Bud buds.

Friend Candy




::Check out the confident stance, whilst donning melon-hued pants with stars and stripes. Girl Balls. McCalls.::


::What are the chances that the Dangle Your Noodle game was invented by a boy?.::

Glad Candy


Mad Candy

::Cakers: Don't take my picture. Me: Okay. ::

My Candy


Happy-Dog-Butt-on-the-Dock Candy



An actual post is may be coming soon, to a blog near you.

p.s. I could hardly upload my google reader or email, while on rural dial up, at the cottage. I hope to catch up soon, on my reading and emailing.

Labels: Cottage, eye candy Friday, From My Loins, Manpie, Pho-Ho'